WARNING:
The following may contain explicably depressing dialogue, readers may find themselves prone to rolling their eyes in in great apathetic circles. The content here in could be classified as reduntant self pity.
BUT:
You may find something shiny and sweet, something you might hold dear to your heart and even read segments to your children as bed time fables while they lull themselves off into dream land. A dream land where everything is fluffy and nice and were sheep and pigs and oddly shape rodents can fly, and where everything is happy.
So there is something to look forwards too.
Mediocrity:
Let me bring it down a notch. I tend to think of myself as not being the smartest person on the earth, and because of that I have issues with smart people who know to much. How would it be to think of yourself as the SMARTEST person on the earth, you got to have one hell of an ego. Or like, what if you felt you were the CHOSEN one, the messiah, the antichrist, harbringer of doom, savior or all man kind? Were do people get off thinking like that. It's not a question. It's a statement. Like, how selve absorbed do you really have to be? I'm not anything like that. I'm a fucking consumer, and stagnent roach existing off the sweat and back bone of the middle fucking class. I used to dream extremely big, like really big. I used to think I could do whatever I wanted too, or be whatever I wanted to be. I don't think like that anymore. I kind of despise myself, if I knew someone like me I'd think I was a selfish little prick. My defenses are so high that I attack and bite those who try to tear down my walls. A facade I've mastered over the years. DON'T FUCK WITH ME, I'LL FUCKING TEAR YOU APART. (I didn't come up with that last capitalized bit, it's from
She Wants Revenge
which you can purchase on Amazon.com for a surprisingly low price of $8.99 also something I highly recommend, and also I make a commission from Amazon if you buy it when clicking on the hyper link, because I'm a tool like that.) But, all seriousness aside, I will do it. I'll turn into this crazy wolfman type person slash dog and kind of morph into
Hulk Hogan
, only more pasty and freckly. Then I'll start slobbering and Barking like
Ozzy Osborne
in the early days after he left
Black Sabbath
. It's funny yes? Hahaha. My point is, I don't like people knowing that I'm really not this confidant and sophisitated egomaniac who sooner or later will become the
Antichrist
. Oh wait I think I just contradicted myself. Scratch that.. This is where mediocrety comes into play, after the dreams and the granduer I'm just standard issue, normal and complacent. I have lost my motivation for most things. EXCEPT two, and this is hard for me to say, because I swear if you talk to me about this I'll go off like a screaming
BANSHEE
! So this is for me to say and for you to listen to..
I LOVE MY WIFE!
She means the world to me, and I'll kick and scream and kill anyone who would take her away from me, she may not know it but I really do love her. Almost to the point of becoming unhealthy, she's my best friend, and yeah everyone has best friends and bestest best friends, and I have other best friends but she's my bestest friend. Why? Because she loves me too, and she listens to me and makes me feel good and safe and when I'm out with her watching a black metal documentary called Until The Light Takes Us (which doesn't have a fucking link on Amazon, stupid.. I gotta scream at my Amazon peeps, and get them to sell it. How can I be any sort of good
tool
if they don't offer the products I want to force people to buy? Yeah you all have to buy this shit.) Or when we dye her hair with the super awesome and extremely vibrant Special
Effects Hair Dye - Sonic Green #17
, we really bond and share stories of our childhood, or I am just super silent and stoic, bitter with anger because I can't play my most favorite video games... Sorry I'm not going to link that shit.. I'm getting lazy.
I ALSO LOVE VIDEO GAMES
It's scary and I have a really unhealthy obsession, and I really don't care that I do. Self help bullshit doesn't work. I'm to the point where my two obsessions are conflicting and it's like an epic war in my head. I'm sick of feeling bad about either of my obsessions though. She is okay with my love of video games, but I don't want it to be just an obsession, I want to make games, and design worlds to live in. If this is really all I care about the most, then why can't I have both? I'm just sick and tired of constantly blowing up on people, when I feel attacked for what I like. A light was shown on me and my ways. It's something for me to think about. I've written a lot about video games here in this blog before so anyone who reads knows I'm obsessed, so I won't go into any more details.
I just don't feel so good right now and had to get this out there some where.
Thanks for reading, and now that I got my teenage angst out, I can be a proper functioning adult man again.
Peace and love.
Dal.
Ps. I hope you like all the product placement, you better like it... Bitch.